the man with horn rimmed glasses/true tales from the workplace!

just realized that claire's dad from "heroes" (noah, aka the man with the horn rimmed glasses) is actually my ups delivery driver in disguise.
freaky.
things have been nucking futs at work. my bosshole proved to me again, that there is no one lower when it comes to making a buck and just in general being an all around litter box;
you can try to sift though his shit, but lets face it--you really dont want to.

today's tale centers upon the magical moneymaking enterprise known as the "candy dispenser."
We had one in our shop which was naturally, placed there by an outside party. It provided you with skittles, and both plain & peanut m&ms. a portion of the proceeds go to a missing childrens foundation. just recently around the holidays my bosshole informed me that the evil stealthy and incredibly wily candy man had had the nerve to deprive him of some allegedly promised proceeds from the vast gumball machine coffers. if this public enemy were to have the nerve to show up, i was supposed to rat the poor man out to mr boss who would tell him to remove the offending candy machine. (side note-we get very little foot traffic-i would be immensely surprised to discover that at any time it could have even conceivably contained more than $10 in quarters. lovely and shiny yes, but still only a 25 cent value.) not an amount of money I would quarrel over and i need to make money to qualify for broke. but come on, ten bucks-divided even in half...??
n-word please.
how juvenile.
ANYWAY....soooo i come in to work in the morning and notice right away that the candy machine is gone. "oh god," i thinks to myselves, "he is such an asshat. he actually hid the candy machine so the vendor can't slip in here unawares and steal his birthright--his candy machine quarter tithing. how freaking petty is that?" or, "oh hell--maybe the poor fellow had the bad luck to come in on saturday while the boss was there and he got the full metal evil treatment."

oh no.
oh no no no.
it was not that petty.
it was petty, um, "er"
when i reached the back area where the old school time clock is (claire loves messing with it--i always feel like fred flintstone myself) there was the candy machine....not just kidnapped and held prisoner, but raped, plundered, pillaged and permanently pried broken open.
yes.
he did.
he is that bitter, spiteful money hungry and cheap.
a mans face...in my mind...something stereotypical yet true in this case....shylock?
does that mean anything to anyone else, lol? so yeah, he pried the back open with what i imagine was a tire iron or crowbar. he dug all the man's little quarters out of the back and has started filling the candy jar up front
from it.
niiiiiiiiiiiice.
but truthfully -the biggest thing?
how unnecessary it was to break it!!!
he could have simply waited and called the guy-the owner had a card on the machine with his phone and everything, i can see that big jerk holding it captive, but to bust it open and steal the money? thats the best call to make? really??
i was stunned.
yes, virginia, that's my boss.