just realized that claire's dad from "heroes" (noah, aka the man with the horn rimmed glasses) is actually my ups delivery driver in disguise.
freaky.
things have been nucking futs at work. my bosshole proved to me again, that there is no one lower when it comes to making a buck and just in general being an all around litter box;
you can try to sift though his shit, but lets face it--you really dont want to.
today's tale centers upon the magical moneymaking enterprise known as the "candy dispenser."
We had one in our shop which was naturally, placed there by an outside party. It provided you with skittles, and both plain & peanut m&ms. a portion of the proceeds go to a missing childrens foundation. just recently around the holidays my bosshole informed me that the evil stealthy and incredibly wily candy man had had the nerve to deprive him of some allegedly promised proceeds from the vast gumball machine coffers. if this public enemy were to have the nerve to show up, i was supposed to rat the poor man out to mr boss who would tell him to remove the offending candy machine. (side note-we get very little foot traffic-i would be immensely surprised to discover that at any time it could have even conceivably contained more than $10 in quarters. lovely and shiny yes, but still only a 25 cent value.) not an amount of money I would quarrel over and i need to make money to qualify for broke. but come on, ten bucks-divided even in half...??
n-word please.
how juvenile.
ANYWAY....soooo i come in to work in the morning and notice right away that the candy machine is gone. "oh god," i thinks to myselves, "he is such an asshat. he actually hid the candy machine so the vendor can't slip in here unawares and steal his birthright--his candy machine quarter tithing. how freaking petty is that?" or, "oh hell--maybe the poor fellow had the bad luck to come in on saturday while the boss was there and he got the full metal evil treatment."
oh no.
oh no no no.
it was not that petty.
it was petty, um, "er"
when i reached the back area where the old school time clock is (claire loves messing with it--i always feel like fred flintstone myself) there was the candy machine....not just kidnapped and held prisoner, but raped, plundered, pillaged and permanently pried broken open.
yes.
he did.
he is that bitter, spiteful money hungry and cheap.
a mans face...in my mind...something stereotypical yet true in this case....shylock?
does that mean anything to anyone else, lol? so yeah, he pried the back open with what i imagine was a tire iron or crowbar. he dug all the man's little quarters out of the back and has started filling the candy jar up front
from it.
niiiiiiiiiiiice.
but truthfully -the biggest thing?
how unnecessary it was to break it!!!
he could have simply waited and called the guy-the owner had a card on the machine with his phone and everything, i can see that big jerk holding it captive, but to bust it open and steal the money? thats the best call to make? really??
i was stunned.
yes, virginia, that's my boss.
About Me
- zumm zumm
- Memphis, TN but from, Canada
- i look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink...i dont give a hoot about what you think...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
stupid song lyrics that are nonetheless topical for me
i can't breathe you
my eyes are broken
they won't see you
i can't hear words unspoken
you think you know you think you feel
you think you understand
but what is true and what is real
is what you never planned....
i thought i knew you--you're barely half a man
i can't feel you
with the darkness growing
it seemed so real...so true
but now i feel you're not worth knowing
the morning birds fly
i wish that i could fly too
into a brand new sky
a sky that won't include you
you say you tried you say you cared
i say you never did
i say you lied you left me scared and then-
you did it all again
you broke my heart
you ripped my soul
and then you broke my skin
broke in my home
you held me down
and did it all again
you broke it all no matter how you try to justify
but what you did that night will always be your last goodbye
you made me want to die
now when i look at you with her, i have to wonder....
why?
i saw the note i read the words
i can't believe you boy
you cant be real you ve got some nerve
i'm not your stupid toy
you want to say how much i meant?
you want to call me friend?
please fuck off and die again
my eyes are broken
they won't see you
i can't hear words unspoken
you think you know you think you feel
you think you understand
but what is true and what is real
is what you never planned....
i thought i knew you--you're barely half a man
i can't feel you
with the darkness growing
it seemed so real...so true
but now i feel you're not worth knowing
the morning birds fly
i wish that i could fly too
into a brand new sky
a sky that won't include you
you say you tried you say you cared
i say you never did
i say you lied you left me scared and then-
you did it all again
you broke my heart
you ripped my soul
and then you broke my skin
broke in my home
you held me down
and did it all again
you broke it all no matter how you try to justify
but what you did that night will always be your last goodbye
you made me want to die
now when i look at you with her, i have to wonder....
why?
i saw the note i read the words
i can't believe you boy
you cant be real you ve got some nerve
i'm not your stupid toy
you want to say how much i meant?
you want to call me friend?
please fuck off and die again
Sunday, February 22, 2009
how many unsaid things do i have to say?
such hot/cold running confusion
smile
wink
kiss
touch
goodbye.
demand allegiance and disappear.
disappear and then hello.
kiss kiss
touch wait
waitwait
wait
wait
goodbye.
i don't understand
what's
wrong
with
you?
or is it me, again?
smile
wink
kiss
touch
goodbye.
demand allegiance and disappear.
disappear and then hello.
kiss kiss
touch wait
waitwait
wait
wait
goodbye.
i don't understand
what's
wrong
with
you?
or is it me, again?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Yay Canada! Yay Barack!
But it's still too chilly for me right now....
Short trip, long agenda: Obama darts up to Canada
By BEN FELLER, Associated Press Writer Ben Feller, Associated Press Writer 1 hr 18 mins ago
WASHINGTON – Barack Obama's first foreign trip as president — a down-to-business visit with an essential economic ally, Canada — is light on time but loaded with touchy matters.
The world will watch Thursday as Obama gets his first chance since taking office to command an audience abroad, let alone get an impression of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. The two have not met previously.
Ottawa is awash in buzz about hosting the new president; supporters are rolling in by the busload in hopes of a glimpse. Two-thirds of Canadians wanted Obama elected, a Gallup Poll found in October. Even more said the choice of the U.S. president affected their own nation.
Canada and the United States have the largest trading relationship between any two countries in the world. And for all the talk of ending a dangerous reliance on foreign oil, the U.S. depends more on Canada for imported oil than it does any other country.
So far, as Obama grapples with a crashing economy, he has kept his focus at home. As if to underscore that urgent domestic tone, he isn't staying the night or even sticking around for dinner in Canada. He will be there for about seven hours.
Yet that pace belies an agenda packed with sensitive topics.
Obama comes bearing a pro-trade message to assuage Canadian concerns over protectionism; a promise of a new strategy in Afghanistan as Canada moves to yank out all its troops there; and talk of clean-energy cooperation as controversy hangs over Canada's oil-rich sands.
More broadly, Obama's presence signals a fresh start.
"It's the first step in continuing to rebuild the image of the United States abroad by turning to our closest neighbor," said John K. Glenn, director of foreign policy at the German Marshall Fund of the United States, a nonpartisan think tank.
Harper, who heads a Conservative government, had a good relationship with Obama's predecessor, George W. Bush, calling him a president who "never promised me anything he couldn't deliver." And Canada's ties with the U.S. run deep. Still, Bush became deeply unpopular in Canada, which had a spillover effect.
"Canadians are gaga over Obama," said David Biette, director of the Canada Institute at the Woodrow Wilson Center for International Scholars. "It gives Harper a lot more leeway with the United States."
A spokesman for Harper, Kory Teneycke, previewed the visit by underlining similarities between his boss and Obama. He said both have similar ages and young families and are "policy-focused intellectuals."
Personalities aside, matters of war and economic strife await Obama and Harper.
Canada is planning to pull its 2,500 combat troops out of Afghanistan's volatile south by 2011, following the loss of more than 100 troops killed in the country since 2001. Obama is headed the other direction, dispatching 17,000 more U.S. troops to the war zone.
Both the U.S. and Canada have urged other NATO countries to contribute more to stabilize Afghanistan, where insurgents have gained new strength and the top U.S commander is warning of a "tough year." But Canada's people say they have shouldered their burden enough.
Obama plans to tell Harper that the U.S. is overhauling its strategy in Afghanistan, with more effort on diplomacy. Pressed during a Canadian Broadcast Corp. interview this week on whether he will ask Canada to stay in a combat role, Obama said, "I don't have a specific `ask' in my pocket that I intend to bring out in our meetings."
On the economy, Obama comes with a reassuring pro-trade message.
There is no strident talk from the White House about renegotiating the North American Free Trade Agreement — or even pulling out as a tool of leverage. Obama raised that idea as a candidate for president with an eye toward strengthening labor and environmental standards.
The broader goal is still part of Obama's agenda. But reopening a lucrative trade pact among Canada, Mexico and the U.S. is not a mess Obama wants to get into right now.
On the energy front, environmental groups want Obama to get tough with Canada about its massive oil sands operation. Alberta's tar sands present a deep supply of potential oil, but the extraction process produces a high amount of the greenhouse gases blamed for climate change.
Other issues likely to crop up during Obama's meetings are the "Buy American" clause in the economic stimulus bill he signed into law Tuesday and his administration's move to impose stricter "country of origin" labeling on fresh meats and other foods sold in U.S. stores.
___
Associated Press writers Rob Gillies in Ottawa and Julie Pace in Washington contributed to this report.
Short trip, long agenda: Obama darts up to Canada
By BEN FELLER, Associated Press Writer Ben Feller, Associated Press Writer 1 hr 18 mins ago
WASHINGTON – Barack Obama's first foreign trip as president — a down-to-business visit with an essential economic ally, Canada — is light on time but loaded with touchy matters.
The world will watch Thursday as Obama gets his first chance since taking office to command an audience abroad, let alone get an impression of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. The two have not met previously.
Ottawa is awash in buzz about hosting the new president; supporters are rolling in by the busload in hopes of a glimpse. Two-thirds of Canadians wanted Obama elected, a Gallup Poll found in October. Even more said the choice of the U.S. president affected their own nation.
Canada and the United States have the largest trading relationship between any two countries in the world. And for all the talk of ending a dangerous reliance on foreign oil, the U.S. depends more on Canada for imported oil than it does any other country.
So far, as Obama grapples with a crashing economy, he has kept his focus at home. As if to underscore that urgent domestic tone, he isn't staying the night or even sticking around for dinner in Canada. He will be there for about seven hours.
Yet that pace belies an agenda packed with sensitive topics.
Obama comes bearing a pro-trade message to assuage Canadian concerns over protectionism; a promise of a new strategy in Afghanistan as Canada moves to yank out all its troops there; and talk of clean-energy cooperation as controversy hangs over Canada's oil-rich sands.
More broadly, Obama's presence signals a fresh start.
"It's the first step in continuing to rebuild the image of the United States abroad by turning to our closest neighbor," said John K. Glenn, director of foreign policy at the German Marshall Fund of the United States, a nonpartisan think tank.
Harper, who heads a Conservative government, had a good relationship with Obama's predecessor, George W. Bush, calling him a president who "never promised me anything he couldn't deliver." And Canada's ties with the U.S. run deep. Still, Bush became deeply unpopular in Canada, which had a spillover effect.
"Canadians are gaga over Obama," said David Biette, director of the Canada Institute at the Woodrow Wilson Center for International Scholars. "It gives Harper a lot more leeway with the United States."
A spokesman for Harper, Kory Teneycke, previewed the visit by underlining similarities between his boss and Obama. He said both have similar ages and young families and are "policy-focused intellectuals."
Personalities aside, matters of war and economic strife await Obama and Harper.
Canada is planning to pull its 2,500 combat troops out of Afghanistan's volatile south by 2011, following the loss of more than 100 troops killed in the country since 2001. Obama is headed the other direction, dispatching 17,000 more U.S. troops to the war zone.
Both the U.S. and Canada have urged other NATO countries to contribute more to stabilize Afghanistan, where insurgents have gained new strength and the top U.S commander is warning of a "tough year." But Canada's people say they have shouldered their burden enough.
Obama plans to tell Harper that the U.S. is overhauling its strategy in Afghanistan, with more effort on diplomacy. Pressed during a Canadian Broadcast Corp. interview this week on whether he will ask Canada to stay in a combat role, Obama said, "I don't have a specific `ask' in my pocket that I intend to bring out in our meetings."
On the economy, Obama comes with a reassuring pro-trade message.
There is no strident talk from the White House about renegotiating the North American Free Trade Agreement — or even pulling out as a tool of leverage. Obama raised that idea as a candidate for president with an eye toward strengthening labor and environmental standards.
The broader goal is still part of Obama's agenda. But reopening a lucrative trade pact among Canada, Mexico and the U.S. is not a mess Obama wants to get into right now.
On the energy front, environmental groups want Obama to get tough with Canada about its massive oil sands operation. Alberta's tar sands present a deep supply of potential oil, but the extraction process produces a high amount of the greenhouse gases blamed for climate change.
Other issues likely to crop up during Obama's meetings are the "Buy American" clause in the economic stimulus bill he signed into law Tuesday and his administration's move to impose stricter "country of origin" labeling on fresh meats and other foods sold in U.S. stores.
___
Associated Press writers Rob Gillies in Ottawa and Julie Pace in Washington contributed to this report.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
deconstruction zone
i just don't know.
i broke faith and something more.
something big.
i'm not sure how many licks it will take to get to the center,
or if instead, it's simply worn to the center.
if you are worn out inside, can you wear in outside?
i need a fix but thetears won't come
mashups/funny/creepy/weepy
MASHUPS:
whats weirder still is, it kind of worked. whatever. opposites attract i suppose.
FUNNY (ish) ok the funny now. as usual a customer called to inquire about a job that the bosshole arranged, and rather than give me the simple, fast and easy short "i dont know the answer" response, instead he naturally felt obliged to make me work for a pointless and unhelpful answer. during this control freak preening process i was directed to "pretend he wasn't there" which immediately prompted a natural and powerful pavlovian smile response.
he asked what i was smiling for. and i did it, lol i told him.
"i'm just pretending you're not here today" heh heh heh heh. ahem.
EWWW now the creepy part. even though i really don't need to be doing it, i washed our freaking front windows this morning while it was so balmy and beautiful. so i could hear the phone, i left the front door cracked open. as i am bending over, wiping the bottom window pane i hear something and turn around to see him staring at my backside.
31 flavors of wrong and then some! EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
what an asshat.
more later. i've had a low day and i'm trying to decide if listening to the tear jerking songs that make me cry is cathartic or if it's counter-productive. knowing wouldn't change anything i suppose, but its the feeling alone bits that kill.
i should be bright and bushy tailed by the sunshine-y weather. god i wish i could ride today. but then i probably might be tempted not to stop.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
backsies
i don't care about the rules, i want my teaset back.
and that's not all.
i want my flying fucking car and my friendly robot to do the chores.
i want to sleep in and wake with a song in my heart, not a knife.
i want this depth of understanding 10 years back at least and i want a really good burger.
mmm oh yes--i'd like a good hour with that feeling of going to the movies with someone who really really wants to go too, with me.
enough to hold hands, share soda and rest heads on shoulders in a vain pretense while greedily hoarding and mentally cataloging every little synapse the brain will permit me.
sight smell taste and touch.
each one insistent that theirs is the sweetest, most divine
til you speak to me, and only me.
wipeout.
the wave suffuses and suffices then abates
thus dazzled i puddle and melt.
the drift into dreaming is subtle, complete....
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
and that's not all.
i want my flying fucking car and my friendly robot to do the chores.
i want to sleep in and wake with a song in my heart, not a knife.
i want this depth of understanding 10 years back at least and i want a really good burger.
mmm oh yes--i'd like a good hour with that feeling of going to the movies with someone who really really wants to go too, with me.
enough to hold hands, share soda and rest heads on shoulders in a vain pretense while greedily hoarding and mentally cataloging every little synapse the brain will permit me.
sight smell taste and touch.
each one insistent that theirs is the sweetest, most divine
til you speak to me, and only me.
wipeout.
the wave suffuses and suffices then abates
thus dazzled i puddle and melt.
the drift into dreaming is subtle, complete....
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
suivez la piste
i may have spelled it wrong, my apologies to mme hilton if so.
'suivez la piste' was one of my high school french textbooks.
it pretty much simply means follow the trail. i knew most of the french already from going to school in canada so i don't really recall more than the title. but thats the jist of it today.
follow the trail.
i'm tired of circling a drain that frankly, holds almost no appeal in the first place. i've hit a point where it seems clearly to be an issue of sink or swim. staying here affords me only the first option. without trying to glom onto some poor soul, there's really no hope whatsoever of me being able to improve my situation here in memphis. i am surrounded by rednecks and white trash, and without good transpo i'm not really in a good bargaining position for any job improvements.
i love my bike and can't wait to ride it again, but it does have limitations.
and i'm tired of the cold, so very very very cold tired.
my kids are beautiful and independent. the support they need from me can almost just as easily be given in visits and online chats. my mom is still in good health and my lease is up in october.
frankly i dont want to wait til october, but it is encouraging to see little karmic bits falling in to place. like i need time to get my canadian passport, need time to get travel insurance, sell some extraneous bullshit for travel money and get immunizations etc.
pretty sure i can get out a little bit early if i am doing what i plan to do, which is a little world travelling while i'm still a little able to do it. because i somehow have managed to pick up from god knows where more functional spanish than french, i am setting my sights on central/south america to start. and the cost of living down there is ridiculously cheap.
although i have heard a lot to recommend costa rica, frankly, mi corazon is in colombia right now. i think there would be plenty to do, i have contacted several volunteer organizations, and they have sites all over colombia. i can even take formal spanish classes while there, although you always hear immersion is the best way to learn. theres a ton of hostels there too, so lots of international visitors. most of the volunteer work is with children, but yes they are near the jungle. the real honest to god motherfucking rainforest.
some of my friends have expressed concerns over this being hasty, but really, when i
started to really think about it, it's not that hasty. i've been trying to get away from my
regular job for a while. with the gift of george bush's economic clusterfuck, things here will not be looking up for some time to come. any job i might have had a shot at is now one that easily and extra 20 odd people more qualified than i will also be applying for. i'm good at many things, great at others. but im not a college grad and i can't really compete with them what is. so i'm not going to waste the hope or energy even to try.
we get one life. know your limitations, don't live by them.
why the hell do i want to continue to spend my days at a job i despise, only so i can go home to a fucked up neighborhood where idiots shoot at each other because of parking and can't even take care of their own pets while barely getting by, hoping vainly for an occasional visit with kids who have teenage lives going on. i remember those days well. i'm not bitter about it, genuinely. but i'd like for my day to day life to be a little more rewarding. if there was a way to manage that here, i'd love it. but i barely have time between work and sleep for anything else. and if i learn spanish then when i return i actually will have a marketable skill, not to mention an amazing experience. there is so much of the world i'm never going to see, i'd like to change that a little bit. maybe help a few people on the way. making more of a difference in this life is something i'd like to think i could do.
'suivez la piste' was one of my high school french textbooks.
it pretty much simply means follow the trail. i knew most of the french already from going to school in canada so i don't really recall more than the title. but thats the jist of it today.
follow the trail.
i'm tired of circling a drain that frankly, holds almost no appeal in the first place. i've hit a point where it seems clearly to be an issue of sink or swim. staying here affords me only the first option. without trying to glom onto some poor soul, there's really no hope whatsoever of me being able to improve my situation here in memphis. i am surrounded by rednecks and white trash, and without good transpo i'm not really in a good bargaining position for any job improvements.
i love my bike and can't wait to ride it again, but it does have limitations.
and i'm tired of the cold, so very very very cold tired.
my kids are beautiful and independent. the support they need from me can almost just as easily be given in visits and online chats. my mom is still in good health and my lease is up in october.
frankly i dont want to wait til october, but it is encouraging to see little karmic bits falling in to place. like i need time to get my canadian passport, need time to get travel insurance, sell some extraneous bullshit for travel money and get immunizations etc.
pretty sure i can get out a little bit early if i am doing what i plan to do, which is a little world travelling while i'm still a little able to do it. because i somehow have managed to pick up from god knows where more functional spanish than french, i am setting my sights on central/south america to start. and the cost of living down there is ridiculously cheap.
although i have heard a lot to recommend costa rica, frankly, mi corazon is in colombia right now. i think there would be plenty to do, i have contacted several volunteer organizations, and they have sites all over colombia. i can even take formal spanish classes while there, although you always hear immersion is the best way to learn. theres a ton of hostels there too, so lots of international visitors. most of the volunteer work is with children, but yes they are near the jungle. the real honest to god motherfucking rainforest.
some of my friends have expressed concerns over this being hasty, but really, when i
started to really think about it, it's not that hasty. i've been trying to get away from my
regular job for a while. with the gift of george bush's economic clusterfuck, things here will not be looking up for some time to come. any job i might have had a shot at is now one that easily and extra 20 odd people more qualified than i will also be applying for. i'm good at many things, great at others. but im not a college grad and i can't really compete with them what is. so i'm not going to waste the hope or energy even to try.
we get one life. know your limitations, don't live by them.
why the hell do i want to continue to spend my days at a job i despise, only so i can go home to a fucked up neighborhood where idiots shoot at each other because of parking and can't even take care of their own pets while barely getting by, hoping vainly for an occasional visit with kids who have teenage lives going on. i remember those days well. i'm not bitter about it, genuinely. but i'd like for my day to day life to be a little more rewarding. if there was a way to manage that here, i'd love it. but i barely have time between work and sleep for anything else. and if i learn spanish then when i return i actually will have a marketable skill, not to mention an amazing experience. there is so much of the world i'm never going to see, i'd like to change that a little bit. maybe help a few people on the way. making more of a difference in this life is something i'd like to think i could do.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
soy dancen solas
there are so many kinds of dark
they outnumber the light
blind with hurt i stumble and wonder
tripping myself up i manage to catch my fall and
then inexplicably, forget.
whether will or chance my forgetful heart
once more the fool
refuse to let it matter
alone is when i dance
alone is who we are
they outnumber the light
blind with hurt i stumble and wonder
tripping myself up i manage to catch my fall and
then inexplicably, forget.
whether will or chance my forgetful heart
once more the fool
refuse to let it matter
alone is when i dance
alone is who we are
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
three little birds
ok its actually quite a few more than 3 and they are less on my doorstep than the street outside my window, but i'm enjoying them just the same. There were two of the little red sparrows today. I wish i knew what they were. They are like mutant sparrow/cardinal hybrids or something and really pretty.
Jood wrote me on facebook and i nearly cried, lol. i'm just finding it harder to get up and face another day of crap so i can go home to a few hours kitten infestation. i can't find anyone to even consider taking one. they are so friendly and dear too. i know somebody out there would really enjoy them. kittens is crazy!!!
Jood wrote me on facebook and i nearly cried, lol. i'm just finding it harder to get up and face another day of crap so i can go home to a few hours kitten infestation. i can't find anyone to even consider taking one. they are so friendly and dear too. i know somebody out there would really enjoy them. kittens is crazy!!!
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